A Few Thoughts on Marriage!

Larry King has been married eight times. I have only married once and I am still married to the same woman after 39+ years. Does that mean that Larry King is eight times better than me? Probably not, although it's hard to understand exactly what is going through his mind. He is either extremely smart or extremely stupid. You would think, after two or three bad marriages, he would get the message. On the other hand, some people never learn.

I think that the record for bad marriages is Tommy Manville, the late asbestos heir, who set the record during the 1950's. He was the basis for the character played by Joe E. Brown in Some Like It Hot. In 1959, when I was twenty years-old, I met one of Tommie's ex-wives in a bar (which I had entered illegally, albeit successfully) in Michigan. She was one of a pair of twin girls with peroxide-blond hair. She was a physically beautiful woman but more importantly, she was intelligent and delightful to talk with. In the course of our conversation she told me a great deal about her marriage to Tommy, most of which I could not put into print here. Suffice it to say she was a bit bitter and I have to reflect on the idea that her marriage to Tommy must have been quite similar to a number of Larry's.

It may be that Larry enjoys getting married but gets far less pleasure in being married. I think that the answer goes far deeper. Larry finds it difficult to make peace with getting old. He does not accept the fact that he does not have the same capacities he had when he was in his twenties. None of us do. I have recognized that reduced capacity for some time and I have made peace with it. I may not like it, but it is a fact of life. In its place, I have acquired a deeper understanding and appreciation for my wife. No, she does not resemble Catherine Zeta-Jones but I do not resemble Tom Selleck, nor does Brad Pitt have anything to worry about as far as I am concerned. However, I am certain I can act better than Brad Pitt but then again, who can't?

In a lasting marriage, romantic love gives way (at least in part) to a long-lasting respect. That is why those "arranged" marriages of yore often outlasted romantic liaisons. The economic factors that brought arranged marriages together lasted long enough for respect for the other partner to take over as the driving force in the relationship. As I have told many a young person, if you are marrying because of sex or money, you will surely live to regret it. It gives your partner a cudgel to hit you with if you displease him/her. Do something they do not like and they will withhold whatever it is that you married them for. Do not be lured by looks, wealth or power. It only leads to disaster.

Just ask Larry King or any one of his eight wives.