One of the troubling aspects concerning most (not all) young people today is their total lack of responsibility and commitment. This is seen most clearly in the work place and is a reflection of what our so-called educational system has instilled in them. They show up for work late, or not at all; sometimes without even informing their employer about either situation ahead of time. More often than not, they have no compunction at showing up at the very last minute and then leaving early, on a regular basis. This is on top of slovenly work habits too numerous to mention. I was thinking of a possible cure for the problem and I think I have come up with a possible solution. Have the Mafia, Cosa Nostra; or whatever you want to call them; train them.
Now before you think I am totally insane, try analyzing the problem and my solution a little deeper. The Mafia has gotten a bad rap over the years because of the media (shows like 'The Untouchables’), sensational news articles and persecution by the authorities. But if you think about it rightly; these people (Mafiosi) are just servants of the public. When the day arrives that the general public does not buy whatever it is that they sell; that’s the day this organization goes out of business. And who was it who saved the entire liquor industry during Prohibition? Who supplies smokes to needy cigarette smokers who can’t afford the outrageous sales taxes on tobacco in New York, New Jersey and other states? That’s right—it’s these same guys who television writers and reporters love to knock.
But back to my idea—can you just imagine some kid working for John Gotti or Vito Genovese not showing up for work; or showing up late to work? Can you imagine some youngster working for these guys not doing the job right the first time or goofing off? So here’s the pitch: After graduation, put these kids on as two-year or so temps for organized crime. They will learn job skills that can easily be applied in private industry or in politics; especially so if they want to climb the corporate ladder.
For the capo di tutti capos; it will give them a chance to not only clean up the distorted image of their organization, as it is currently (and unfairly) portrayed; it will help clean up the mess that our school system is creating. It is a win-win situation.
Incidentally, do not show this blog to the teacher’s union (NEA.) I don’t want to get whacked.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Airline Lists of "New" Fees!
Some airlines have come up with new "fees" to scam their customers with, such as charging outrageous fees for carry-on luggage. Unknown to the public, a whole new series of "fees" are being planned. This was revealed to me by my secret agent X-9. The new fees being planned are:
1) Turning the restrooms in airplanes into pay toilets. In addition, you will be limited to the amount of toilet paper you can use. If you try to use more than your allotted amount, a sign lights up signalling you to insert more money. The water you need to wash your hands is free, however soap is extra and again, you are allowed to use just so much.
2) When the plane gets into trouble while in flight, a sign goes up instructing you to insert $5.00 or so, for 15 minutes of oxygen. After you insert your money, the oxygen mask pops down. After 14 minutes of use, the sign lights up again instructing you to insert more money before the oxygen is turned off.
3) There will be a $10.00 fee for entering and/or leaving the plane.
4) There will be additional fees for bringing on board your own water, liquids and other consumables.
5) For an additional fee of $25.00 you will be allowed to take a nap while flying.
The good thing is that if the plane crashes and is totally destroyed, all of these fees are refundable to your survivors upon presentation of 15 documents (with pictures) proving you are their next of kin, along with DNA samples.
1) Turning the restrooms in airplanes into pay toilets. In addition, you will be limited to the amount of toilet paper you can use. If you try to use more than your allotted amount, a sign lights up signalling you to insert more money. The water you need to wash your hands is free, however soap is extra and again, you are allowed to use just so much.
2) When the plane gets into trouble while in flight, a sign goes up instructing you to insert $5.00 or so, for 15 minutes of oxygen. After you insert your money, the oxygen mask pops down. After 14 minutes of use, the sign lights up again instructing you to insert more money before the oxygen is turned off.
3) There will be a $10.00 fee for entering and/or leaving the plane.
4) There will be additional fees for bringing on board your own water, liquids and other consumables.
5) For an additional fee of $25.00 you will be allowed to take a nap while flying.
The good thing is that if the plane crashes and is totally destroyed, all of these fees are refundable to your survivors upon presentation of 15 documents (with pictures) proving you are their next of kin, along with DNA samples.
Announcing My New Political Party!
I have been thinking about this problem all of my life and I think I am going to start a new party. Year ago, in the early part of the 20th Century, Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt was our President, retired and then became dissatisfied with the way that William Howard Taft was running the country. Being that both were Republicans and Taft was the reigning President, Teddy could not run on the Republican ticket so he set up a new party; The Bull Moose Party. He named his party after his favorite animal. So I will too, the name of my party will be the Jackass Party.
The question arises of why any politician would want to be a Jackass and my answer would be that they already are, only they call themselves Republicans or Democrats. Think about it. You poor people vote for some slug based on promises they either cannot keep, or have no intention of keeping, a la Jim Florio. Afterwards, you ask yourself, “Why did I vote for that Jackass in the first place?” Remember Jimmy Carter? He was a Jackass although he ran on the Democratic ticket.
I am removing all the surprises in the aftermath of an election. Now you will know in advance that you are voting for a Jackass. You will no longer have any excuses. So, take my invitation and join my Jackass Party so that you too can be a Jackass and vote only for Jackasses.
It’s an idea whose time has come.
The question arises of why any politician would want to be a Jackass and my answer would be that they already are, only they call themselves Republicans or Democrats. Think about it. You poor people vote for some slug based on promises they either cannot keep, or have no intention of keeping, a la Jim Florio. Afterwards, you ask yourself, “Why did I vote for that Jackass in the first place?” Remember Jimmy Carter? He was a Jackass although he ran on the Democratic ticket.
I am removing all the surprises in the aftermath of an election. Now you will know in advance that you are voting for a Jackass. You will no longer have any excuses. So, take my invitation and join my Jackass Party so that you too can be a Jackass and vote only for Jackasses.
It’s an idea whose time has come.
My Idea to "Save" Toyota!
Toyota has been in a lot of trouble recently. First there was the accelerator problem with the Corolla which Toyota apparently ignored for about ten years resulting in about 50 or so deaths and a possible humungous fine from the federal government. Then came similar problems with the Prius and Lexus. Now, according to Consumers Reports™, there is a “roll-over” problem with their SUVs.
I was thinking of a way that Toyota could absolve and re-establish them in the auto market and I think I have come up with a solution. They should come out with a new line of cars called The Kamikaze. They could come out with three new models initially; The Nagumo (medium-priced), the Yamomoto (high-end model) and the Genda (economy model.) All these cars would have these liabilities (accelerator and rollover problems) built in each and every model, so that the buyer knows in advance what he or she is buying.
Now you might ask, “Why would anyone want to buy any car with all of these dangers built in?” I answer, “For the same reason that people go skiing, mountain-climbing, bungi-jumping and sky-diving." They will do it for the excitement, for the rush that such people get from risking their lives unnecessarily. Those macho guys with tattoos all over their bodies who ride motorcycles with German helmets on their heads, would be a natural market. I can see the commercials now. The commercials would subtly hint that, driving a Toyota makes it easier to “score” with a girl. Cosmetics like aftershaves, colognes and deodorants have used such commercials successfully for years, so why not Toyota? All you need is a drop-dead beautiful model in the commercial telling the listener (hopefully a man, or a woman that is striving to be a man) that all they need towards this end is to be driving a Kamikaze. The tag line would be, “Drive a Toyota Kamikaze. You’ll never know if you will come back.” An old Japanese WWII carrier could be used as a backdrop with movies (or photos) of an actual Kamikaze attack on the American navy as well.
I think it is a winner.
I was thinking of a way that Toyota could absolve and re-establish them in the auto market and I think I have come up with a solution. They should come out with a new line of cars called The Kamikaze. They could come out with three new models initially; The Nagumo (medium-priced), the Yamomoto (high-end model) and the Genda (economy model.) All these cars would have these liabilities (accelerator and rollover problems) built in each and every model, so that the buyer knows in advance what he or she is buying.
Now you might ask, “Why would anyone want to buy any car with all of these dangers built in?” I answer, “For the same reason that people go skiing, mountain-climbing, bungi-jumping and sky-diving." They will do it for the excitement, for the rush that such people get from risking their lives unnecessarily. Those macho guys with tattoos all over their bodies who ride motorcycles with German helmets on their heads, would be a natural market. I can see the commercials now. The commercials would subtly hint that, driving a Toyota makes it easier to “score” with a girl. Cosmetics like aftershaves, colognes and deodorants have used such commercials successfully for years, so why not Toyota? All you need is a drop-dead beautiful model in the commercial telling the listener (hopefully a man, or a woman that is striving to be a man) that all they need towards this end is to be driving a Kamikaze. The tag line would be, “Drive a Toyota Kamikaze. You’ll never know if you will come back.” An old Japanese WWII carrier could be used as a backdrop with movies (or photos) of an actual Kamikaze attack on the American navy as well.
I think it is a winner.
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