My Idea to "Save" Toyota!

Toyota has been in a lot of trouble recently. First there was the accelerator problem with the Corolla which Toyota apparently ignored for about ten years resulting in about 50 or so deaths and a possible humungous fine from the federal government. Then came similar problems with the Prius and Lexus. Now, according to Consumers Reports™, there is a “roll-over” problem with their SUVs.

I was thinking of a way that Toyota could absolve and re-establish them in the auto market and I think I have come up with a solution. They should come out with a new line of cars called The Kamikaze. They could come out with three new models initially; The Nagumo (medium-priced), the Yamomoto (high-end model) and the Genda (economy model.) All these cars would have these liabilities (accelerator and rollover problems) built in each and every model, so that the buyer knows in advance what he or she is buying.

Now you might ask, “Why would anyone want to buy any car with all of these dangers built in?” I answer, “For the same reason that people go skiing, mountain-climbing, bungi-jumping and sky-diving." They will do it for the excitement, for the rush that such people get from risking their lives unnecessarily. Those macho guys with tattoos all over their bodies who ride motorcycles with German helmets on their heads, would be a natural market. I can see the commercials now. The commercials would subtly hint that, driving a Toyota makes it easier to “score” with a girl. Cosmetics like aftershaves, colognes and deodorants have used such commercials successfully for years, so why not Toyota? All you need is a drop-dead beautiful model in the commercial telling the listener (hopefully a man, or a woman that is striving to be a man) that all they need towards this end is to be driving a Kamikaze. The tag line would be, “Drive a Toyota Kamikaze. You’ll never know if you will come back.” An old Japanese WWII carrier could be used as a backdrop with movies (or photos) of an actual Kamikaze attack on the American navy as well.

I think it is a winner.